So I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost a year, and last month, we moved in together. Maybe that’s kind of fast. I don’t know. My parents sure thought it was. But honestly, everything was great in the beginning. We get along really well, and we’ve never had more than a brief argument.
But then she started whistling.
It’s so dumb, I know, but she’s always whistling this weird song, and it really gets on my nerves. My mom kept telling me that once you move in with someone, you discover all of the quirks they’d been hiding from you, and it’s not like I didn’t expect that to be true. But for some reason, this is just an ongoing issue with us, and I don’t know what to do.
At first I would just hear her whistling it when she was showering. It was kind of cute, like her own little bathroom theme song. I didn’t recognize the melody, but it was very distinct. I could mimic it from memory if I wanted to. In fact, sometimes it gets stuck in my head, and it drives me a little crazy. You know the type.
After a week or so, I asked her what the song was, and she just laughed. I’m wondering if maybe she came up with it on her own, something that she does absently, especially once she started doing it more. Like I’d be reading a book, and she’d be on the computer, and she’d just start whistling. And I tried to ignore it. I seriously feel like a dick for being so grumpy about it, and I know she wasn’t doing it to annoy me. But she’d just go on and on, and it would pull my attention away from whatever I was doing.
So, I finally said something a few nights ago. I was going over some legal documents for work, and she just starts whistling like crazy, on and on. And I’m trying to just block it out, but it’s seriously excessive. Like, I know you guys are probably thinking that I was overreacting, but it felt like she was whistling right into my ear, and it just frayed my last bit of patience.
As calmly and nicely as I could, I called out to her and asked her to quiet down. She didn’t reply. I asked her again, and she still didn’t answer, so I left the bedroom and found her in the living room, watching a movie. She wasn’t whistling anymore, and for some reason, that really irked me. It felt like she was messing with me. And she just looked over at me, like she didn’t know what my deal was.
I asked her if she could stop whistling so much, and she told me she wasn’t whistling. Now, I get that maybe she doesn’t realize she’s doing it, but no one whistles that much and doesn’t notice. It’s not really like her to mess with me like that, and I don’t know what she’s trying to get out of this. I thought maybe she was teasing or playing a joke, but she had to see how annoyed I was. I asked her again to just not whistle so loudly, and she didn’t answer. There was tension in the room, and it felt like our first fight since moving in together. Even though she didn’t whistle for the rest of the night, I couldn’t focus on my work anyway because I was upset about the confrontation.
Then, of course, the next night she was whistling again. I hear her when she comes home from work, and she keeps going for at least an hour. I didn’t want to have another fight, so I just hung out in the bedroom and listened to her move around for a while. I felt like I was blowing things out of proportion, but honestly, how hard is it to just not whistle all the time? It was no big deal when it was now and then, but I feel like she whistles more than she even talks to me now. So I’m sitting up in the room, thinking about that, and that’s probably why I was worked up when I finally came down.
She was cooking dinner, which is sweet, but she was still whistling. So I said, softly, “Hey honey, maybe we should put on some music instead, so you don’t have to fill the silence with whistling.” I tried to play it off like a joke, but I knew she’d probably see through it and get annoyed again. She didn’t even turn to face me, just huffed and kept cooking.
After a minute, I told her I was sorry about the other night, but the whistling just sort of strikes my ear wrong, and if she could try not to whistle so much and so loudly, it would make my life a lot easier. I feel like I was being fair. I know it seems controlling and nit picky, but it was bothering me a lot. We all have our things, you know? I try not to chew loudly at the table because it bothers her, so why can’t she just stop whistling sometimes for me?
But she totally freaked out. She turned around and told me she wasn’t whistling and she didn’t know what my problem was. At this point, I don’t get why she was doing this. It obviously wasn’t funny for either of us, and she seemed genuinely upset, so I don’t know why she kept provoking me. I asked her what her deal was, why she was so defensive about the stupid whistling, and she told me to shut up. She told me she was sick of talking about it, like I was the one being unreasonable.
I never get mad at her, but I just snapped. I told her to stop whistling before I lost my mind. She called me crazy, just because I was getting a little upset, and somehow, that was all I could take. I grabbed one of the cast iron pans from the stove and swung it at her head as hard as I could.
She fell over and smashed her head on the counter, but I swung the pan again before she hit the ground. I think I hit her maybe three or four times. I don’t remember, but I feel horrible. There was blood everywhere, and her jaw might be broken. No, I think it is for sure. I couldn’t believe I’d lost my temper like that, and I have no idea how we can move past this. I feel so ashamed for letting things get physical, regardless of how much she might have been provoking me.
But here’s the kicker. She’s STILL FUCKING WHISTLING. And I asked her nicely to please stop, but now she won’t even pause! For two days she’s just been lying on the kitchen floor with her eyes rolled back and her mouth hanging open, just marinating in congealed blood, and she’s STILL FUCKING WHISTLING. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to break up, but this is just too much. I just need her to shut up. Just shut up. Just shut up. Just shut up. JUST SHUT UP.