I can’t remember what it feels like to be a normal person. I’ve lived with complacency for so long, the numbness kind of grew on me. It made me feel trapped. At least that’s what I thought.
Let me slow things down. I’m a thirty something year old guy who still lives at home with my parents and work a shitty retail job I got into while I was in community college. Not much in my life really has changed. I’ve tried for years to be happy, but I forgot what it felt like.
Last week, I was scrolling through Facebook, and an ad came up. Those stupid ads. Have you ever noticed they show up for about a week right after you’re searching fo something online.?
“Have you tried everything, but still couldn’t find happiness? Our science backed therapy has the cure for you. Try it today. Money back guarantee.”
Oblivious clickbait, right? I’m not really sure what possessed me, but I clicked it. It took me to a lengthy article about the results from the therapy and people have reviews. I believed it. I have no fucking idea why, but I did. Maybe it was the fact I had ran through every option.
All the therapists never worked, the drugs never did either. Sure I smoked a little pot back while I was in school, but it got boring and I just stopped finding joy in it. I tried psychedelics, but they just have me horrifying trips. An old friend visiting from University tried to make DMT, and I just got sick off of it; he must have made it wrong.
So I put in an email address for more info and was responded to I’m about an hour. When I glanced over it, they told me to bring $200, an insurance card, and an ID. The following day was my day off work, so I scheduled my appointment and went.
The building itself looked like a real clinic and there were several cars in the parking lot, so I waltzed into a room with about three other patients. I waited about 45 minutes and was brought back to the room. They never took my insurance card, but they collected the $200 and copied my iD.
The doc sat my down and went over some basic stuff about me and brought a vaccination towards me.
“Fuck no. I’m not doing this, I don’t fuck with needles”, I told him.
“But I promise this is the easiest way of delivery. What do you have to lose? This isn’t an addictive substance and it isn’t even going to hurt”.
I let that bastard inject it into me and I was ecstatic. Real joy, I haven’t felt this in ages. I was so happy, my life drastically changed.my job performance grew, I went out for pints after work with coworkers, I got a promotion, and I even landed a date with the cutest cashier in the store. All of this felt way too amazing.
Months went by like this. I moved out with my new girlfriend. While we were in our apartment, I decided to leave a review of the place when so noticed the reviews were disabled. Funny I thought.
About half a year later, my girlfriend left me. I really liked her, but I noticed something. I couldn’t feel sad. All I felt was joy. This was so confusing because I wanted to be upset. My favorite hockey team lost the Stanley cup, nothing. I got fired, my car broke down, I got evicted, a friend killed himself. Joy. Joy joy joy. I couldn’t stop smiling. I missed true emotion. This artificial life was too much. I couldn’t shut it off.
Yesterday the cops found me. A smile on my face while the clinic burned.