They named a disease after me.

They named a disease after me, but I doubt you’ve heard of it, as it’s very rare. There have only been seventeen confirmed cases, and that’s only in the last decade.

Bronson’s Patch. That’s what the disease is called. I’m Frank Bronson.

What they found was, if you’re exposed to a certain type of white noise, several hundred thousand brain cells form a network, or ‘patch’. I was the first person to become afflicted with this disease, and so it took them a while to even recognise what was happening. It wasn’t until the seventh victim that they were able to perform an autopsy (as well as all of the usual brain scans) to find the cause of the mysterious changes. It took until the tenth person for them to make a link between the white noise and the patch.

It isn’t just the white noise that suddenly affects you. In fact, I bet if you or any Joe or Jane on the street were exposed to the sound, nothing would happen. There’s some sort of genetic defect that occurs in a very very small percentage of the population that leaves you with an increased risk of being ‘patched’. And, as the brain continues to develop into adulthood, and the genetic defect doesn’t come into full force until the brain is adult sized, those afflicted can only be adults.

So, what are the symptoms?

They can vary slightly from person to person, but there are five main characteristics, which I shall describe to you below. (They can vary in intensity and frequency of presentation, too. What I describe below is the most extreme form of Bronson’s Patch.)

Characteristic one: elongation of limbs.

In some, this is barely noticeable. A person may grow a centimetre or two taller. Jackson Riviera, however, suffered from gaining an entire 67 centimetres to each leg, and 53 centimetres to one arm, and 47 to the other. He became a total recluse, refusing to allow anyone to see him.

Now, I realise this is not a result of a brain deformity. It is something to do with a DNA quirk. They don’t know how it happens. Not yet.

Characteristic two: propensity to sleep walk.

Some diagnosed with Bronson’s Patch do not experience this at all. Others experience it in a mild form, where a few times a month, they are found strolling around their neighbourhood. Two of the sufferers (one of whom died), experienced something more sinister. Elizabeth Mole was found standing on her rooftop, leaning over the edge. It was lucky her husband had awoken when the tiles had started shifting. She had allowed herself to be helped back to safety. Jennifer Axiak was not so lucky. It was all over the papers back in the summer of 2011. You probably read about it. Jennifer had taken some bungee cord, and got in her car and driven to the local park. There were some gigantic trees in that park. It was nearly morning when she climbed up to the top of one of the trees and strung herself from it. An early morning dog walker had spotted her – she was hoarse from shouting for help. “I don’t know how I got here! Help me down! I woke up here!” But by the time anyone could do anything, she was already lifeless. Absolutely tragic.

Characteristic three: unusual accent.

This is a characteristic that is shared by every sufferer of Bronson’s Patch. It appears that the part of the brain affected is closely tied to language, and somehow, pathways are triggered that cause the victim to speak with a bizarre accent, which I can only describe as a hybrid of French and Russian.

Characteristic four: lack of hunger.

The medical professionals cannot explain this one. Ten of the seventeen cases have shown a drastically decreased appetite. To the point where they are consuming less than 300 calories a day. Yet their bodies remain strong and healthy. This is where the most funding has been allocated to research. You can guess why they’re pouring money into understanding this symptom, in our body-image obsessed society.

Characteristic five: distress in the presence of children.

This is perhaps the most disturbing of all of the characteristics. Again, this one is shared by all sufferers. For some reason, those with Bronson’s Patch cannot stand to be near children. I mean there has to be at least a 5 metre distance between the sufferer and a child. Any closer, and the person begins to convulse in a most grotesque fashion. They scream and howl and cover their ears. If the child is not removed, the sufferer is in great danger of literally ripping their earlobes off and attempting to stuff them into the ear canal. One such case occurred where the sufferer became afflicted while on a long international flight. Joey Rydges. You’ve probably heard of this one, too. The crackling of the white noise while flying over the Atlantic must have triggered the start of the symptoms. The other passengers thought that Joey was suffering from an epileptic seizure. Until he began ripping his ears off. But it didn’t stop there – for how could it? Nobody knew the cause; nobody could help. Though Joey’s ears were bleeding and his voice was curdling the blood of all the passengers, he could not be calmed. He took the plastic fork from his half-eaten dinner and began to dig out his own eyeballs. Several passengers attempted to restrain him, but he displayed superhuman strength. It was only when the children had been moved further up the aisle that Joey could relax. By that point, however, he was blind and had suffered a great loss of blood. He did not survive the flight.

I guess the reason for sharing this with you is that if you notice any of these symptoms in yourself or a loved one, you must, MUST contact your local hospital and mention Bronson’s Patch.

Please don’t ignore my warning.

(source) story by (/u/redblackblueandyou)

I was a top scientist at CERN and I have a war…

Greetings to whoever may find this, that is if you’re out there. My name’s not important but I need to send out this message, or more like a warning before i’m disposed of for what i have seen. I am a former scientist who worked for CERN and we have quite possibly doomed humanity. My team of scientists and I worked with a machine called the Large Hadron Collider (LHC). This machine was basically used to allow physicists to study particle physics after said particles accelerate and collide with each other inside.

The date is March 22 2019, My team and I are running our usual experiments and test like normal. I swear the whole 8 man team proofread the coding to start the collider as per protocol but, we missed one small mistake. Roughly 3 minutes into the start of the LHC the whole facility started to fill with a deep yellow light. This is usually expected as the particles in the accelerator collide with each other at unfathomable speeds, but something seemed off. This light that filled the room was different then what we had seen all too many times before. My team and I rush over to the control panel to turn off the collider, and there it is, clear as day the slightest mistake in the code seemed all too large.

We scramble to turn the LHC off before anything major happens and after what seemed like hours, the collider finally stops. After inspecting the LHC to make sure no damage had been sustained one of the physicists in my team turned so pale you could almost see through him. He points over at a orb next to the front the collider, no bigger than an apple but almost impossible to miss. It’s properties are difficult to explain, it didn’t have any specific color to it, but it was dark, it looked like something otherworldly. After a few minutes of my team and I staring at this strange void in complete shock it seemingly evaporated into the air, just like that it was gone.

News quickly spread around the facility about my teams discovery and within 3 months we have created this portal roughly 30 times. We have started intense research on these void like anomalies, starting off very simple. A team of 10 researchers in full hazard suits approach the void with caution as they insert a metal ball point pen into the anomaly, after retracting the pen there were no visible changes, but after a series of tests preformed on the pen we were shocked to see how high the level of radiation was. The levels of radiation were so intense that all 10 researchers died just days after coming in contact with the pen. Several unmanned drones were sent into the void to gather photo and video samples of the other side but all attempts failed as connection was lost the second the drones crossed over to the other side.

A few months after research began on this void something went wrong, and this very incident is why i am writing this. Testing began as usual as we fired up the collider, but this time something different happened. Instead of the blinding flash of yellow light and a small void forming near the beginning of the collider something completely unexpected happened. As the first couple collisions took place time felt to almost slow down as the room grew dark. A 15 or so foot tall hole opened near the front of the collider.

A black figure started to emerge from the large void. Although very humanoid this “thing” was anything but human. It was featureless, It gave off strong vibrations and was so massive it had to duck to exit the void. Many researchers broke down at the sight of this thing, and then it spoke. We all heard it clear as day in our heads, we all heard the blistering static sound as words began to play inside our minds.

“You creatures have no place peering into our world, your destruction was set in stone the moment you opened up the doorway into our dimension, we will exterminate your kind as your knowledge of our existence threatens us, this is not a warning, but a promise.” This took place a week ago, fairly soon the being from that damned place will come for us with God knows how many more like it. I’ll most definetly be killed soon for publishing this information, I was a top scientist for CERN and I’m sorry for what I have caused.

(source) story by (/u/ThatOneDudesReddit)

I was a top scientist at CERN and I have a war…

Greetings to whoever may find this, that is if you’re out there. My name’s not important but I need to send out this message, or more like a warning before i’m disposed of for what i have seen. I am a former scientist who worked for CERN and we have quite possibly doomed humanity. My team of scientists and I worked with a machine called the Large Hadron Collider (LHC). This machine was basically used to allow physicists to study particle physics after said particles accelerate and collide with each other inside.

The date is March 22 2019, My team and I are running our usual experiments and test like normal. I swear the whole 8 man team proofread the coding to start the collider as per protocol but, we missed one small mistake. Roughly 3 minutes into the start of the LHC the whole facility started to fill with a deep yellow light. This is usually expected as the particles in the accelerator collide with each other at unfathomable speeds, but something seemed off. This light that filled the room was different then what we had seen all too many times before. My team and I rush over to the control panel to turn off the collider, and there it is, clear as day the slightest mistake in the code seemed all too large.

We scramble to turn the LHC off before anything major happens and after what seemed like hours, the collider finally stops. After inspecting the LHC to make sure no damage had been sustained one of the physicists in my team turned so pale you could almost see through him. He points over at a orb next to the front the collider, no bigger than an apple but almost impossible to miss. It’s properties are difficult to explain, it didn’t have any specific color to it, but it was dark, it looked like something otherworldly. After a few minutes of my team and I staring at this strange void in complete shock it seemingly evaporated into the air, just like that it was gone.

News quickly spread around the facility about my teams discovery and within 3 months we have created this portal roughly 30 times. We have started intense research on these void like anomalies, starting off very simple. A team of 10 researchers in full hazard suits approach the void with caution as they insert a metal ball point pen into the anomaly, after retracting the pen there were no visible changes, but after a series of tests preformed on the pen we were shocked to see how high the level of radiation was. The levels of radiation were so intense that all 10 researchers died just days after coming in contact with the pen. Several unmanned drones were sent into the void to gather photo and video samples of the other side but all attempts failed as connection was lost the second the drones crossed over to the other side.

A few months after research began on this void something went wrong, and this very incident is why i am writing this. Testing began as usual as we fired up the collider, but this time something different happened. Instead of the blinding flash of yellow light and a small void forming near the beginning of the collider something completely unexpected happened. As the first couple collisions took place time felt to almost slow down as the room grew dark. A 15 or so foot tall hole opened near the front of the collider.

A black figure started to emerge from the large void. Although very humanoid this “thing” was anything but human. It was featureless, It gave off strong vibrations and was so massive it had to duck to exit the void. Many researchers broke down at the sight of this thing, and then it spoke. We all heard it clear as day in our heads, we all heard the blistering static sound as words began to play inside our minds.

“You creatures have no place peering into our world, your destruction was set in stone the moment you opened up the doorway into our dimension, we will exterminate your kind as your knowledge of our existence threatens us, this is not a warning, but a promise.” This took place a week ago, fairly soon the being from that damned place will come for us with God knows how many more like it. I’ll most definetly be killed soon for publishing this information, I was a top scientist for CERN and I’m sorry for what I have caused.

(source) story by (/u/ThatOneDudesReddit)

How do I get my girlfriend to knock off this a…

So I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost a year, and last month, we moved in together. Maybe that’s kind of fast. I don’t know. My parents sure thought it was. But honestly, everything was great in the beginning. We get along really well, and we’ve never had more than a brief argument.

But then she started whistling.

It’s so dumb, I know, but she’s always whistling this weird song, and it really gets on my nerves. My mom kept telling me that once you move in with someone, you discover all of the quirks they’d been hiding from you, and it’s not like I didn’t expect that to be true. But for some reason, this is just an ongoing issue with us, and I don’t know what to do.

At first I would just hear her whistling it when she was showering. It was kind of cute, like her own little bathroom theme song. I didn’t recognize the melody, but it was very distinct. I could mimic it from memory if I wanted to. In fact, sometimes it gets stuck in my head, and it drives me a little crazy. You know the type.

After a week or so, I asked her what the song was, and she just laughed. I’m wondering if maybe she came up with it on her own, something that she does absently, especially once she started doing it more. Like I’d be reading a book, and she’d be on the computer, and she’d just start whistling. And I tried to ignore it. I seriously feel like a dick for being so grumpy about it, and I know she wasn’t doing it to annoy me. But she’d just go on and on, and it would pull my attention away from whatever I was doing.

So, I finally said something a few nights ago. I was going over some legal documents for work, and she just starts whistling like crazy, on and on. And I’m trying to just block it out, but it’s seriously excessive. Like, I know you guys are probably thinking that I was overreacting, but it felt like she was whistling right into my ear, and it just frayed my last bit of patience.

As calmly and nicely as I could, I called out to her and asked her to quiet down. She didn’t reply. I asked her again, and she still didn’t answer, so I left the bedroom and found her in the living room, watching a movie. She wasn’t whistling anymore, and for some reason, that really irked me. It felt like she was messing with me. And she just looked over at me, like she didn’t know what my deal was.

I asked her if she could stop whistling so much, and she told me she wasn’t whistling. Now, I get that maybe she doesn’t realize she’s doing it, but no one whistles that much and doesn’t notice. It’s not really like her to mess with me like that, and I don’t know what she’s trying to get out of this. I thought maybe she was teasing or playing a joke, but she had to see how annoyed I was. I asked her again to just not whistle so loudly, and she didn’t answer. There was tension in the room, and it felt like our first fight since moving in together. Even though she didn’t whistle for the rest of the night, I couldn’t focus on my work anyway because I was upset about the confrontation.

Then, of course, the next night she was whistling again. I hear her when she comes home from work, and she keeps going for at least an hour. I didn’t want to have another fight, so I just hung out in the bedroom and listened to her move around for a while. I felt like I was blowing things out of proportion, but honestly, how hard is it to just not whistle all the time? It was no big deal when it was now and then, but I feel like she whistles more than she even talks to me now. So I’m sitting up in the room, thinking about that, and that’s probably why I was worked up when I finally came down.

She was cooking dinner, which is sweet, but she was still whistling. So I said, softly, “Hey honey, maybe we should put on some music instead, so you don’t have to fill the silence with whistling.” I tried to play it off like a joke, but I knew she’d probably see through it and get annoyed again. She didn’t even turn to face me, just huffed and kept cooking.

After a minute, I told her I was sorry about the other night, but the whistling just sort of strikes my ear wrong, and if she could try not to whistle so much and so loudly, it would make my life a lot easier. I feel like I was being fair. I know it seems controlling and nit picky, but it was bothering me a lot. We all have our things, you know? I try not to chew loudly at the table because it bothers her, so why can’t she just stop whistling sometimes for me?

But she totally freaked out. She turned around and told me she wasn’t whistling and she didn’t know what my problem was. At this point, I don’t get why she was doing this. It obviously wasn’t funny for either of us, and she seemed genuinely upset, so I don’t know why she kept provoking me. I asked her what her deal was, why she was so defensive about the stupid whistling, and she told me to shut up. She told me she was sick of talking about it, like I was the one being unreasonable.

I never get mad at her, but I just snapped. I told her to stop whistling before I lost my mind. She called me crazy, just because I was getting a little upset, and somehow, that was all I could take. I grabbed one of the cast iron pans from the stove and swung it at her head as hard as I could.

She fell over and smashed her head on the counter, but I swung the pan again before she hit the ground. I think I hit her maybe three or four times. I don’t remember, but I feel horrible. There was blood everywhere, and her jaw might be broken. No, I think it is for sure. I couldn’t believe I’d lost my temper like that, and I have no idea how we can move past this. I feel so ashamed for letting things get physical, regardless of how much she might have been provoking me.

But here’s the kicker. She’s STILL FUCKING WHISTLING. And I asked her nicely to please stop, but now she won’t even pause! For two days she’s just been lying on the kitchen floor with her eyes rolled back and her mouth hanging open, just marinating in congealed blood, and she’s STILL FUCKING WHISTLING. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to break up, but this is just too much. I just need her to shut up. Just shut up. Just shut up. Just shut up. JUST SHUT UP.

(source) story by (/u/queen_of_the_moths)

How do I get my girlfriend to knock off this a…

So I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost a year, and last month, we moved in together. Maybe that’s kind of fast. I don’t know. My parents sure thought it was. But honestly, everything was great in the beginning. We get along really well, and we’ve never had more than a brief argument.

But then she started whistling.

It’s so dumb, I know, but she’s always whistling this weird song, and it really gets on my nerves. My mom kept telling me that once you move in with someone, you discover all of the quirks they’d been hiding from you, and it’s not like I didn’t expect that to be true. But for some reason, this is just an ongoing issue with us, and I don’t know what to do.

At first I would just hear her whistling it when she was showering. It was kind of cute, like her own little bathroom theme song. I didn’t recognize the melody, but it was very distinct. I could mimic it from memory if I wanted to. In fact, sometimes it gets stuck in my head, and it drives me a little crazy. You know the type.

After a week or so, I asked her what the song was, and she just laughed. I’m wondering if maybe she came up with it on her own, something that she does absently, especially once she started doing it more. Like I’d be reading a book, and she’d be on the computer, and she’d just start whistling. And I tried to ignore it. I seriously feel like a dick for being so grumpy about it, and I know she wasn’t doing it to annoy me. But she’d just go on and on, and it would pull my attention away from whatever I was doing.

So, I finally said something a few nights ago. I was going over some legal documents for work, and she just starts whistling like crazy, on and on. And I’m trying to just block it out, but it’s seriously excessive. Like, I know you guys are probably thinking that I was overreacting, but it felt like she was whistling right into my ear, and it just frayed my last bit of patience.

As calmly and nicely as I could, I called out to her and asked her to quiet down. She didn’t reply. I asked her again, and she still didn’t answer, so I left the bedroom and found her in the living room, watching a movie. She wasn’t whistling anymore, and for some reason, that really irked me. It felt like she was messing with me. And she just looked over at me, like she didn’t know what my deal was.

I asked her if she could stop whistling so much, and she told me she wasn’t whistling. Now, I get that maybe she doesn’t realize she’s doing it, but no one whistles that much and doesn’t notice. It’s not really like her to mess with me like that, and I don’t know what she’s trying to get out of this. I thought maybe she was teasing or playing a joke, but she had to see how annoyed I was. I asked her again to just not whistle so loudly, and she didn’t answer. There was tension in the room, and it felt like our first fight since moving in together. Even though she didn’t whistle for the rest of the night, I couldn’t focus on my work anyway because I was upset about the confrontation.

Then, of course, the next night she was whistling again. I hear her when she comes home from work, and she keeps going for at least an hour. I didn’t want to have another fight, so I just hung out in the bedroom and listened to her move around for a while. I felt like I was blowing things out of proportion, but honestly, how hard is it to just not whistle all the time? It was no big deal when it was now and then, but I feel like she whistles more than she even talks to me now. So I’m sitting up in the room, thinking about that, and that’s probably why I was worked up when I finally came down.

She was cooking dinner, which is sweet, but she was still whistling. So I said, softly, “Hey honey, maybe we should put on some music instead, so you don’t have to fill the silence with whistling.” I tried to play it off like a joke, but I knew she’d probably see through it and get annoyed again. She didn’t even turn to face me, just huffed and kept cooking.

After a minute, I told her I was sorry about the other night, but the whistling just sort of strikes my ear wrong, and if she could try not to whistle so much and so loudly, it would make my life a lot easier. I feel like I was being fair. I know it seems controlling and nit picky, but it was bothering me a lot. We all have our things, you know? I try not to chew loudly at the table because it bothers her, so why can’t she just stop whistling sometimes for me?

But she totally freaked out. She turned around and told me she wasn’t whistling and she didn’t know what my problem was. At this point, I don’t get why she was doing this. It obviously wasn’t funny for either of us, and she seemed genuinely upset, so I don’t know why she kept provoking me. I asked her what her deal was, why she was so defensive about the stupid whistling, and she told me to shut up. She told me she was sick of talking about it, like I was the one being unreasonable.

I never get mad at her, but I just snapped. I told her to stop whistling before I lost my mind. She called me crazy, just because I was getting a little upset, and somehow, that was all I could take. I grabbed one of the cast iron pans from the stove and swung it at her head as hard as I could.

She fell over and smashed her head on the counter, but I swung the pan again before she hit the ground. I think I hit her maybe three or four times. I don’t remember, but I feel horrible. There was blood everywhere, and her jaw might be broken. No, I think it is for sure. I couldn’t believe I’d lost my temper like that, and I have no idea how we can move past this. I feel so ashamed for letting things get physical, regardless of how much she might have been provoking me.

But here’s the kicker. She’s STILL FUCKING WHISTLING. And I asked her nicely to please stop, but now she won’t even pause! For two days she’s just been lying on the kitchen floor with her eyes rolled back and her mouth hanging open, just marinating in congealed blood, and she’s STILL FUCKING WHISTLING. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to break up, but this is just too much. I just need her to shut up. Just shut up. Just shut up. Just shut up. JUST SHUT UP.

(source) story by (/u/queen_of_the_moths)

How to Summon Satan for Beginners

“You’ve got to be joking.”

My brother Daniel looked at me like I was the dumbest kid alive.

“Come on,” I said, “it’ll be fun. Get into the Halloween spirit.”

He sighed, snatched the book out of my hands and cracked it open. His eyes roved over the pages with feigned disinterest, but I knew I had him hooked. He shut the book and held it at arm’s length, scanning the cover.

“How to Summon Satan for Beginners,” he read. “Where did you even find a book like this?”

I shrugged my shoulders.

“Ebay.”

He shook his head and let out a long, exaggerated sigh, one that was surely meant to convey his disappointment in me.

“Fine,” he said, “I’ll play along. If it’ll make you happy. Just don’t let mom find out—she’ll skin us both alive.”

He opened the book and lay it on the ground between us.

“Okay, step one,” he said. “We need the blood of a sacrificial lamb.”

“Where are we going to get that?”

He frowned, and shook his head as he stared down at the page.

“You know what?” he said. “We don’t have any of this stuff.”

“Er, well,” I said. “We can just use kool-aid. That’s red, it should be close enough.”

“Good idea,” said my brother. “We also need: the horns of a goat, the bones of a righteous man, and a scream of despair.”

“Ah,” I said. “I know about the first one. Dad has something in the medicine cabinet called horny goat weed. That’ll do.”

“And I know about the second one,” said my brother. “We can use the dog’s bone. That only leaves the scream of despair.”

“Well we should be able to provide that,” I said.

My brother nodded.

“Okay,” he said, “let’s get everything together.”

We went our separate ways, me to the medicine cabinet and the pantry, and my brother to the dog. We piled the items together next to the book, and looked at the instructions.

“Okay,” said my brother. “It says to mix the blood with the horns of the goat, and stir with the bones of the righteous man. Add sugar to taste.”

“Okay,” I said. We mixed the objects together according to the instructions.

“Now,” my brother said, “the scream of despair.”

He let out a rather too-convincing wail that startled me and sent ripples through the mixture. The liquid in the kool-aid jug wobbled for a second, turned bright green then black, and began to smoke. A faint voice could be heard, murmuring something that could not quite be made out. It grew steadily louder.

“What the hell?” said the voice, and the kool-aid exploded with a terrible, infernal roar that shook the house, showering my room with red.

Standing where the kool-aid jug had been was a terrifically ugly creature. It had scaly red skin, two large, polished black horns, and a face that only a blind mother could love. Its feet were cloven hooves, and its long, reptilian tail swished about impatiently. It was dripping with red liquid.

It ran a yellow-clawed finger over its arm and popped it in its mouth.

“Is this kool-aid?” it said.

My mouth hung open so low that a fly could’ve landed inside of it, but my brother had the presence of mind to say, “Er, yeah.”

The creature ran another finger along itself and licked it, then smiled.

“Delicious,” it said, “but sticky.”

It spotted the book on the floor, bent down and picked it up, then gave it a long, squinting look.

“Say, where did you get this book?” it asked.

“Er, eBay,” I said, sheepishly.

“Huh,” said the creature.

“Excuse me, sir?” I ventured.

“Yes?” said the creature.

“Are you—ahem—are you…”

“Satan?” the creature finished for me.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Oh, doubtlessly,” said the creature. He opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted by a loud banging on our front door. From behind the door we could hear the sound of our crotchety, much-feared neighbor, old Ms. Cromwell. She was shouting in indignation.

“I know you’re in there,” she yelled. “That infernal racket you caused woke up my birds! MY BIRDS!”

“Who is that?” said Satan. “She sounds lovely.”

“That’s our neighbor Ms. Cromwell,” said my brother. “Don’t answer the door. She’s seriously mean—she’s got a big leather handbag filled with fruit that she’ll smack you right on the head with.”

“Oh, come on,” Satan said. He set the book back down on the floor and made his way to the front door. “Surely you’re exaggerating.”

We heard the sound of the front door open, and Satan warmly greeted the woman. What followed was an incoherent torrent of abuse in shrieking old lady soprano, and the familiar sound of a handbag colliding with a skull. After a minute or two, Ms. Cromwell seemed to tire herself out, and we could hear her heavy breathing on the porch.

“Hm,” came Satan’s voice. “You might be just the ticket.” There was a sudden scream, cut short by a wet ripping sound. Footsteps of cloven hooves approached our bedroom, and then Satan stood in the doorway. He was clad in Ms. Cromwell’s skin, which stretched and bulged in all the wrong places. His horns stuck out, and on top of one a rather bruised banana had been impaled.

“How do you like my new clothes?” said Satan.

“They’re uh…really nice?” I said.

Satan frowned.

“Oh no,” he said. “I was hoping they were hideous.”

“Uh, don’t worry,” said my brother, “they are.”

Satan grinned.

“You’re not just saying that?” he said.

“Definitely not,” said my brother. “I’ve never seen a human skin suit before–it makes me want to throw up.”

“Fantastic!” exclaimed Satan. He clapped his hands together. “Now I’d better get going, got people to kill, worlds to conquer, you know, same old same old.”

He bent down and picked up the book.

“Do you mind?” he asked.

We were both too stunned to reply. This did not seem to faze Satan, who thumbed to a page near the back and read out an incantation in a language that sounded like a trash compactor clearing its throat. A rift appeared in the reality of our bedroom, rippling out waves of distortion around it. It expanded into a wide, black mouth, and demons began to pour out by the dozens.

There were gray, scaly ones, green slimy ones, and even one that was pink and fuzzy. Once they had filled the room enough to be bumping shoulder to shoulder, Satan spat out a few more arcane words and the portal closed. He beamed as he eyed his work.

“Fantastic,” he said. “Now let’s go get some more human skin suits.”

x

(source) story by (/u/lifeisstrangemetoo)

SkinThief

“Don’t move a muscle.”

The words, whispered in my ear, roused me from my sleep. After a brief moment of confusion, I recognized the voice as that of my wife.

“He’s been standing there for god knows how long. I think he’s waiting for us to wake up.”

I opened my eyes just a crack, and I saw what had startled my wife. There, at the foot of the bed was a man. He was large, over six feet tall by a head. He wore a rubber mask of a cartoon dog with red, bloodshot eyes.

Gripped in his left hand was a duffle bag, which clattered with the sound of metal on metal whenever it shifted in his grip. His right hand held a video camera.

At the sight of him, my heart instantly began to race. My brain yelled at me to get up and run, but I forced myself to stay completely still. I became lightheaded as my slow breathing could not keep up with the demands of my racing heart.

The phone was on the night stand, just inches away. Would I have time to unlock it and dial nine one one before the stranger got to me? Would it even matter if I did?

One thing was clear–I couldn’t just lay there, I had to act. As quick as I could, I lunged out of bed and threw myself at the man. He was too quick for me, though. He dropped his bag and shoved me back onto the bed.

I knelt down, and began rummaging inside his bag. He pulled out a long metal rod. He clicked something on the side, and the end of the rod erupted into a crackling shower of sparks.

He walked towards me slowly, taking his time. I knew I only had one shot, so I waited. He was almost close enough to reach me now. The rod blazed with electricity.

When he was close enough I kicked out as hard as I could, connecting with his shin. He let out a strangled cry of pain and staggered back, dropping the rod. I snatched it up and fumbled for the switch. I couldn’t find it. The man pushed himself to a knee.

I felt a button, small and rubber. I pushed it in, and the end of the rod lit up. I jammed it into his stomach, and he fell back, convulsing.

After a few seconds he went still. I used the rod to push the mask up and reveal his face.

“Boo!” he shouted.

My heart jumped out of my chest for just a moment. It settled down only a little when I recognized him. It was my brother. He was sitting up and grinning. He rubbed his shin and winced.

“Gotcha,” he said.

“What the hell is the matter with you?” I yelled. “You could’ve given me a heart attack.”

My brother shrugged.

“It’s Halloween,” he said. “What was the matter with you last year when you left that fake horse head in my bed?”

I held up the rod.

“And this?” I said.

“Olsen’s Magic Shoppe,” he replied.

“You’d better fucking apologize,” I said.

“I’m sorry you’re a pansy,” he replied. He turned to my wife. “I actually am sorry to you,” he said. “Sandy said you’d be out of town.”

“Didn’t you see me?” said my wife.

My brother scratched his neck sheepishly.

“Not really,” he said. “It’s impossible to see anything in that dog mask.”

“Just get out,” I said. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow. And leave your spare key.”

“Can I have the rod back?”

“No.”

Feigning hurt, my brother left. I was still seeing red. I struggled to calm myself down enough to see to my wife.

“Are you okay, honey?” I asked.

She shook her head.

“Can you get me a glass of water from downstairs?” she asked. I nodded. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and flicked on the flashlight to help me guide myself down the stairs. I had just reached the kitchen when a phone call came through.

It was from my sister in law, Sandy. I answered it.

“Oh god, oh god, oh god.” The words tumbled out in a breathless panic. “You have to help me. They think I’m crazy. They want to lock me up.”

Her voice was tense, strained, like a guitar string a moment away from snapping.

“Sow down,” I said. “What are you talking about?”

“We were just laying in bed,” she breathed, “and this thing came in through the window. Out of nowhere, you know? Out of nowhere! It was just a shadow, a man’s shadow… Derek tried to fight it off, but it… oh god, Derek…It killed Derek…”

Sandy’s voice trailed off.

“And then what?” I said, breathless. “What happened?”

“It absorbed him,” Sandy said. “And then it looked just like him.”

“Oh god,” I said. I dropped the phone, and sprinted upstairs where my brother Derek had just been.

The window was open, and my wife was gone.

X

(source) story by (/u/lifeisstrangemetoo)

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